The Capitol awaited

The railings all a shine

The staff looked oh so busy now

And this was odd because you see

It wasn’t even nine.


Outside from the agencies

Employees did approach

A request from the Budget Tsars

Hoping they were not toast



The Chairman and the Analyst

Were walking close at hand,

They laughed like anything to see

The admin budget’s plan


“If seven aides with sharpened pens

Made changes for a year,

Do you suppose,” the chairman said

“That they could get it clear?”

“I doubt it, said the Analyst,”

And shed a bitter tear.


“Oh civil servants, talk with us.”

The Chairman did request

“A pleasant budgetary chat;

No worries, you can rest.

Let’s look at these fine audits

Let’s put you to the test.”


The Deputy just looked at them

But ne’re a word was said

The bureaucrat just could not lie

And shook with fear and dread

For he had seen so many cry

If they were poorly led


But Branch Chiefs came and hurried up

With helpful data charts

Their hair was short, their faces washed

Eager to be tested

And this was odd, because you know

Their benefits weren’t vested


The Chairman and the Analyst

Reviewed the budgets new

And then they sipped some cabernet

And ate some cream puffs too

The bureaucrats who came to meet

They did not have a clue


“The time has come,” the Chairman said

“To scrutinize your claims.

To look for overpayments,

And position vacancies.

And why you didn’t spend it all.

Now tell us all your names.”


“But wait a bit,” the branch chiefs cried

“Before you cut the fat.

For some of us have really tried

To keep expenses flat.”


“No worry,” Said the Analyst

They thanked him much for that

“A step increase we might arrange…”

“Its what we chiefly need!”

“Well, on my second thought on this,

We are not fond of greed.”


“Now if you’re ready, servants dear

We can begin to carve.”

“But please not us, we work so hard,

And we don’t want to starve.

We dearly love our agency,

Our friends we cannot lose.”

“Now look out on to Punchbowl

Do you admire the view?”


“It was so kind of you to come!

And you are very nice!”

The Analyst said nothing but

“Shall we now roll the dice?

I wish your agency the best

Shall we cut another slice?”


“It seems a shame,” the Chairman said,

“To play them such a trick.

To summon them unto our turf,

And make them trot so quick!”


“I weep for you,” the Chairman said:

“I deeply sympathize.”

With sobs and tears he sorted out

Each salary a prize.

Holding the detailed spreadsheets

Before their eager eyes.


“O employees,” said the chair

“You’ve had a pleasant run!

Your sick leave and retirement!

Now let me add that sum.”

But the spreadsheet was now empty for

They’d erased every one.


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