A few days ago, some concerned friends shared with me a report from Hawaii News Now which talked about suicide prevention in Lahaina, in the context of Hawaii’s ongoing suicide epidemic. Suicide is the leading cause of fatal injuries in Hawaii, and like so many other problems, it disproportionately impacts Native Hawaiian and Pacific Islander populations.

Sadly, because this is such a sensitive and complicated issue, many people in the general public don’t understand or don’t want to be bothered by the pressing issues of things like chronic grief, frustration, anger, desperation, anxiety, hopelessness or self-harm. 

People like to say things like “we have a mental health epidemic that needs to be dealt with,” but then they don’t actually deal with it because there are broad socio-ecological considerations for why so many people might be experiencing problems that are uncomfortable to confront. 

In the aftermath of the pandemic as well as the numerous tragedies and challenges that have made living in Hawaii difficult for many, we need to confront this issue head-on and go beyond lip service. Our way of coping, our way of supporting those who are struggling and even our screening mechanisms are clearly falling short. While there is no one solution to this, there are several areas that I feel we need to address.

Collapsing Social Capital

In the early 1990s, a concept called “social capital” began to emerge among political scientists. It refers to “the networks of relationships among people who live and work in a particular society, enabling that society to function effectively.” 

These might include things like couples, families, clubs, volunteer organizations, sports teams, religious groups, civic engagement and so on. Social capital is important, because they are like human fibers that mesh to form a kind of safety net that one can fall on. 

So, for example, a man who is struggling with alcoholism might encounter interventions at several levels. His wife could talk to him about it, his bowling league buddy might say something about it and his pastor could bring it to his attention, all of them offering support.

But the more shallow our social capital gets, the less opportunities for support we encounter. A negative chain of events can lead to a vicious cycle that results in unchecked, deepening self-disappointment, frustration, avoidance and social isolation. 

So, for example, the same man with alcoholism might never get an intervention in the absence of social capital. Maybe he has a pastor, but that pastor “prophesied” against him during his request for prayer, and told him that he’s going through a season because God wants to “take everything away from him so he’ll learn to trust Him.” 

Maybe he has a golfing buddy, but he doesn’t realize his buddy is only golfing with him so he can butter him up to sign a multi-year contract and then when that’s done, he’ll ditch him. 

Maybe he has a cousin that he sees often, but his cousin tells him, “I am not your help. You have to stop being so lazy and just make the choice to change yourself. Your problem is you rely on others too much.”

And maybe he even has a professional therapist, but he can’t get an appointment scheduled in time.

It sounds ridiculous, I know, but the wider the holes are in our social capital, the easier it is for someone to get knocked down and stay down. The same could apply to one losing their job, having unexpected and highly expensive health problems, or even in the case of people like my father, being orphaned. Hawaii is unique in that because things are so expensive, and people are so fixated on making ends meet, a lot of people don’t have time to build or sustain social capital. 

This is very dangerous, because what we as a society are unable to take care of or support will eventually spill over into the public safety and public health domains. Domestic violence, self-harm, substance abuse, poverty and so many other modern crises are amplified by dwindling social capital. 

Things are so bad right now there are actually nonprofits rising up to teach communities to just start talking to each other about drugs, relationships, mental health and other pressing issues because people have become so avoidant that no one even bothers to initiate an intervention.

Tag Your Sponsor

One of the unfortunate aspects of our modern world is everyone is expected to take care of themselves, and if someone falls down, fails or can’t do something well, we categorize them as “lazy,” “weak,” “incompetent” or “a failure.” If you simply accept the title that others put on you, that crown of shame can weigh very heavy on you and lead to a path that may result in self-harm.

Perhaps you’ve heard some of these disordered, insensitive ways of thinking. Unemployed? “Must be because you’re not applying for enough jobs.” (Or maybe we should check to see if the Department of Human Resources Development even forwarded the completed application, though.)

Underpaid? “Just go to college like the rest of us, what are you, lazy?” In debt? “Why don’t you stop having coffee at Starbucks!” Depressed? “It’s because you have too much free time on your hands, you should be filling up your schedule with so much hustle you don’t have time to feel sorry for yourself!”

There was a time in Hawaii that our response to hardship was to turn to our neighbors for help. Can we still do that?

The truth is, you can’t pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Even busy bees will collapse sooner or later. Those who imply you can move heaven and earth by yourself are conveniently neglecting to tell you that somewhere, someone gave them a chance when they themselves didn’t deserve it. Yes, former President Barack Obama was right: “If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help.”

There’s a funny phenomenon on the internet where social media influencers will occasionally get rebuked online by corporations in the middle of posting their vacation or flexing their new sports car. “Tag your sponsor!” an outraged corporate handler with a verified check mark will comment on their posts, implying that the person who is reveling in Monaco didn’t actually pay their own way there. 

In much the same way, people who expect you to pull yourself out of debt, unemployment, relationship issues, substance abuse, mental health challenges and so on are failing to “tag their sponsor” in life. No one can succeed or survive on the force of their self-will alone. We have a responsibility to the people around us, and when we fail to be accountable or supportive to our family, our neighborhood and our community, we set the conditions for a collapse of society.

How To Start The Recovery

Here in Hawaii, we need to recognize that things are not getting any easier and it will only get harder from this point forward — if we continue to drift apart and do things the way we are doing them now. The status quo is broken. 

We need to start showing people we care again and rebuilding our fabric of social capital. We need to make it socially unacceptable for people to be neglected and allowed to reach such a stage of hopelessness and desperation where they see no option but self-harm as a way out. And we need to prioritize, particularly among the Native Hawaiian and Pacific Islander populations, eliminating systemic oppression and structural violence that makes it even harder, relative to others, to be able to thrive in Hawaii.

There’s a verse of Scripture that says “If anyone forces you to go a mile, go with them 2 miles.” We need to make sure that the people around us make it to their destination in life by giving them every reason to keep living. 

There was a time in Hawaii that our response to hardship was to turn to our neighbors for help. Can we still do that? If not, then we’d better do something about it, quick.

Civil Beat’s community health coverage is supported by the Atherton Family Foundation, Swayne Family Fund of Hawaii Community Foundation, the Cooke Foundation and Papa Ola Lokahi.