Victimhood, victimhood everywhere. Even where you least expect it, and where it really isn’t there.

Like from the head of the most powerful public employees union in the state and one of the most formidable, feared members of the Senate wrapping themselves in a blanket of bullying victimhood.

Sen. Donna Kim and executive director of Hawaiʻi Government Employees Association Randy Perreira want us to think about themselves as victims of bullying. 

Kim says Perreira’s people are bullying her while Perreira says that she’s bullying him.

I have to admit. My first reaction was to laugh. Come on. Those two wanting us to consider them as poor-me victims?

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But it’s no laughing matter.

Their claims are inaccurate and inappropriate. They are both an insult and a danger to true bullying victims.

This all started after Kim recently chaired a Senate Education Committee hearing about her bill that would make big changes in the way the Department of Education is organized. Many school principals as well as other DOE officials turned out to testify against it. HGEA represents the principals’ union.

The session was nasty and noisy. There may have been some booing. Kim may have berated a couple of the principals.

Soon after, Kim gave a Senate floor speech where she criticized the bill’s opponents for trying to bully her. 

A few years before, Kim had done the same woe-is-me when she described the University of Hawaiʻi Professional Assembly faculty union pushback against her bill this way:

“I have just now experienced this bullying,” she said.

What did she say UHPA did to make her feel bullied? It accused her of having an agenda.

Ouch.

Not to be outdone in the victimhood department, Perreira responded to Kim’s Senate speech in a letter to Kim saying, “Your deplorable floor speech fits with your pattern of lashing out when you are questioned and opposed.”

He called it “downright Trumpian.”

“I hope it is apparent that the HGEA will not stand for this type of bullying and attempted censorship in Hawaii.”

When you think about a victim of bullying, do you picture an extremely powerful politician or the head of the biggest union in Hawai‘i?

No one ever says, “What a great day this is going to be! I get to give testimony to Sen. Kim’s committee.”

Kim’s political muscle comes from being a “woe is you” person, not a “woe is me” person.

As for Perreira, it’s been awhile, but when I was involved in a series of meetings with Perreira and high-level Hawaiʻi government officials, he was the smartest person in the room and the most likely to take the initiative. 

And he heads a union with a potential voting bloc of 37,000 members.

The real issue, though, isn’t that these two are so formidable. It’s that their using the term “bullied” to describe themselves is so wrong.

“Bullying “is a clinical term that stresses vulnerability and invites help. A true victim of bullying is someone who is powerless and vulnerable facing a situation she can’t control.

Like a middle-school student constantly picked on and threatened or an adolescent girl facing an internet rumor mill or an attempt to sextort. Or employees constantly harassing and threatening a worker with a disability..

The school principals who Perreira said Kim bullied for sure know what true bullying really is. They deal with it every day as part of their job.

One of the most powerful and feared senators and the head of the largest union in Hawaiʻi want us to view them as people who suffer the uncontrollable harassment and oppression that an eighth grader faces.

Is that battle of bully words just politics? Is it just a word?

No, it’s not. That’s not how language works, definitely not how the term “bullying” works. Words like “bullying” don’t just have dictionary meanings. “Bullying” has an emotional content. People react to it. 

It creates borders between bad and good and between vulnerable people who are harmed. It’s a way to decide who gets resources for assistance.

When the term is used too broadly, it can weaken attention to truly harmful behavior. The term loses its emotional force.

The broader the definition of bullying becomes, the less likely true victims will get the recognition and resources they need.

The term loses its sorting power. If everyone is a victim, then no one is a victim.

Kim and Perreira make the term “bullying victim” into buzz words, something to use to score political points — as kind of political “you’re a bully, no, you’re a bully nanny nanny boo boo.” 

They are acting more like manipulators who play the victim role to gain sympathy as a way to get something.

The accurate way to see them is as powerful political rivals who have many methods and words at their disposal to fight their battles. 

Perreira’s letter didn’t need to include the bullying accusation to make its  point. Kim could have described what UHPA did to her without adding that overdone woe-is-me bullying flourish.

They have other more legitimate ways to gain support. They use them, rather than demeaning both true victims and themselves.