Re-Homed & Off the Edge: That’s Not Me Anymore

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Sorry for the long delay since last writing. Things have been kind of busy but basically steady. I even just paid my second month’s rent. I’m still adjusting to the new rhythms in my life.

I’m still not too good at grocery shopping on a regular basis, and I haven’t been to the Natatorium since becoming re-homed. Not even for a swim. It seems hard to imagine that my old safety zones of morning showers and park naps have been like a distant memory.

It’s not like I have an aversion to going over there, but I think part of my new situation is the instinct to hibernate through a slow gestation period. I’m still feeling things out, and being a little bit more selfish with my time lately. Although I’m feeling quite comfortable now, I’m remaining cautious on some things until I feel sufficient clarity in making decisions.

For example, I finally got a curtain for my bedroom window to lessen the hot afternoon sun. This wasn’t a simple thing as it sounds. I do have an artistic sensibility for things so I wanted a good color that would still allow the sunlight to shine through. But, I discovered, much to my dismay, that not all options for curtains are created equal. After all my careful, initial considerations and imaginings, I go to a few stores and find curtains too long, too dark or light, you have to buy two of them, they’re out of stock of the one sample you like, and so on. It was rough. Fortunately, I found a nice green one I liked and enjoy waking up to it each day.

Meanwhile, I’ve been continually pondering things regarding the identity of homelessness. I can tell I feel better thinking of myself as something other than homeless, but I don’t feel proud of where the root of that feeling comes from. Part of me says, “That’s not me anymore.” But another part of me is grappling with some lingering notions of shame for having hit such a low point. I know I’m trying to disengage from where things had been for so long.

Some of this is healthy, and some of it I’m sure is just my own kookiness. It does seem a bit of hubris to feel like that the last year is a finished episode. In truth, there is always that near crisis from unknowns, but I’m hopeful that next time it might come close I’ll be better prepared, whatever that might mean.

Previous posts in this series:

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About the Author

  • Joe Bright
    Joe Bright
    Joe Bright is a graduate of Iolani School and went on to study art at The Cooper Union School of Art in New York City, and later Chinese medicine at The American College of Traditional Chinese Medicine in San Francisco. Joe currently runs a small acupuncture clinic, Kama’aina Acupuncture in Kapahulu as the first dedicated low-cost “community acupuncture” clinic in Honolulu. Joe has a varied background that has included working as a bicycle mechanic, freelance artist, teaching calligraphy and Tai Chi, a nanny, and even a CEO of a small entrepreneurial company. He continues to create art, even having work recently appear at the Honolulu Academy of Arts as well the Bishop Museum. He also continues with entrepreneurial projects when possible and serves on the Board of Directors for a local Buddhist meditation organization, Vipassana Hawai’i.
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