Editor’s Note: The topic of Chad Blair’s doctoral thesis at the University of Hawaii was race, class and gender in Hawaii politics. He is the senior haole correspondent for Honolulu Civil Beat.

When Los Angeles erupted into flames following the acquittal of four white cops who beat a black man following a traffic stop, a local comedian riffed on the famous line from the late Rodney King: “Can’t we all go to Longs?”

Besides being funny, the line captures something unique about Hawaii — is there anyone who doesn’t shop at Longs Drugs? — but also hints at the oft-stated myth that Hawaii is one big, happy ohana.

Well, we’re not.

Sure, you’ll hear political candidates, civic leaders and tourism executives tout Hawaii as a marvelous multicultural milieu that the nation and the world can look to to emulate. Corner them privately, however, and you’ll likely hear what everyone already knows: that racism and ethnic tension are evident everywhere in the islands.

Gov. Neil Abercrombie believes that “our diversity defines us, not divides us.” That it does. But there are, in fact, serious divisions in Hawaii Nei.

Entire disciplines exist to explain the complexity of Hawaii and its people, and I couldn’t even begin to address them here.

But I would like to ask this question — What is a haole, anyway? — and take a stab at answering it.

I raise the issue because a local attorney has raised the issue of whether a white (read: haole) federal agent who shot a local (read: nonwhite) male can possibly get a fair trial in Honolulu.

Leaving aside Brook Hart’s legal strategy on behalf of his client, Christopher Deedy, and the killing of Kollin Elderts, the case provides yet another opportunity to reflect on a very difficult, sensitive and uncomfortable question: Do we really all get along? And if not, why not?

In the interest of stimulating healthy dialogue on an ugly topic — a dialogue that already started in the discussion section following reporter Nick Grube’s article — I offer a number of points to consider, some factual, some irreverent, some provocative.

I encourage readers to chime in with their responses and observations. Feel free to disagree. But, as always, seek a civil discourse.

What You Mean Haole?

Define haole. It means white. Or newcomer, outsider or foreigner. Or “without breath.” It’s an acceptable word. It’s pejorative.

Define local. It means non-haole or non-white. Or not. It means anyone born in Hawaii. Except white people. It means a sense of shared values. It means, as Mufi Hannemann put it, “I look like you, you look like me.” It means Mufi is local because he was born here and raised in Kalihi and has Samoan ancestry. It means Mufi is not local because he has German ancestry.

Which word(s) most commonly precede the word “haole”? Hapa. Stupid. Loud-mouthed. Rhymes with trucking. Go home. Kill.

Which word(s) most commonly follow the word “haole”? Rot. Jokes. Kine. Pronunciation. Wood. Ville.

Haole leaders: Part One. Barack Obama, who is half-white and half-black, is local. The governor, lieutenant governor, chief justice and Honolulu mayor are haole but were not born here. So are they local? Two of the three leading candidates for the U.S. Senate are haole though only one was born here — Ed Case; Linda Lingle was born in Missouri. Mazie Hirono, who moved from Japan to Hawaii in 1955, centers her Senate campaign on local values. Case, whose great-grandparents moved from Kansas to Hawaii in 1896, does not.

Haole leaders: Part Two. White people are proportionately overrepresented in advertising, public relations, architecture, banking (except Central Pacific Bank), education (except for the Department of Education), tourism (except in cleaning hotel rooms), the military (except the 100th and 442nd), law (except prisons and police departments) and the major media outlets (except for TV anchors other than Joe Moore and Keahi Tucker).

Associations: Part One. Hawaii has a Japanese Cultural Center of Hawaii, a Hawaii United Okinawa Association, a Hawaii Filipino Lawyers Association, a Center for Hawaiian Studies, a Hawaii Hispanic News, a Chinatown, a Korean Festival, a Hawaii Island Portuguese Chamber of Commerce, an African American Diversity Cultural Center Hawaii and a Vietnamese Business Resources Association of Hawaii. No comparable entity exists with the words “haole” or “whites.”

Associations: Part Two. Possible exception to “Associations: Part One” — the Caledonian Society of Hawaii.

Which group is overrepresented in prisons? Hawaiians.

Which group is overrepresented in poor neighborhoods? Hawaiians.

Which group is overrepresented among diabetics? Hawaiians.

Which groups have the most wealth? Haole, Chinese and Japanese.

How long do malihini have to live in Hawaii before they are local? One year. Twenty years. Never. When you understand Pidgin. When you begin using Pidgin. When you favor Zippy’s over California Pizza Kitchen. When you say “shoyu” instead of “soy sauce.” When you stop pouring shoyu on rice. When you pronounce and spell “Kalanianaole” correctly. When you buy a Japanese car. When you start watching K-dramas. When you marry a local. When you have a child born in Hawaii. When that child is called a keiki.

Good Hawaii haole. Jack Burns. Jack Hall. Jack Johnson. Jack Lord. Scott Caan. Bette Midler. Barry Flanagan. Richard Chamberlain. Jim Nabors. Walter Dods, Al Landon and Don Horner.

Bad Hawaii haole. Not even going to go there.

Why is this joke funny? How many haoles does it take to change a light bulb? Six. One to call the electrician, and five to write the environmental impact report.

Why is this joke funny? How can you tell the haole in a Chinese restaurant? They’re the ones not sharing the food.

That’s all. If I’ve offended anyone, please forgive me — I’m just an opinionated haole. But I suppose that’s redundant.