Happy Festivus! A festival for the rest of us. Yes, I know I’m a bit premature in celebration, but it’s tough for me to contain my grievances from this past year.

Can you blame me?

I mean Kanye made us all realize that Trump wasn’t the craziest guy to ever step in the Oval Office, Brett Kavanaugh sounded like a 1-star Yelp review come-to-life, and for God’s sake we still don’t know what covfefe means!

On a more personal note, I’ve been struggling lately to go more than a few days without being called a liberal snowflake. Now if you’re unfamiliar with the term, it’s basically a derogatory moniker that members of the right have contrived to throw in during argument whenever you’re sounding “soft” — I like to think of it more as compassionate — or kind of whenever honestly.

Here, let me show you a few examples:

• “You think college should be more affordable? What an entitled liberal snowflake!”
• “You’re offended by my blackface costume? It’s just a costume you liberal snowflake!”
• “‘Boo-hoo, where’s my safe space?’ Shut it you liberal snowflake!”
• “Trump never said he’d donate a million dollars if Elizabeth Warren could prove her heritage. That’s fake news Liberal Snowflake!”

Getting the picture?

Now, does it make me an actual snowflake that I get frustrated about this? Possibly, but that’s beside the point I’m trying to tackle.

The fact of the matter is that the use of this degenerative rhetoric is only the first layer in the manifestation that is the modern strict evangelical state of political conservatism.

Gender Identity

What I see happening is people are getting engulfed by the notion that only certain persons should be awarded all the natural dignities, and if you disagree, well sorry to break it to you but you’re a liberal snowflake. Let’s discuss this.

If you are curious as to which forum you’d most likely hear “liberal snowflake” get used in the quickest, just bring up gender identity; trust me, it’ll do the trick. Where my grievances lay here are within the antiquated ideologies perpetuated by contemporary Republicans that we should invalidate one’s identity simply because it’s just not how we did things before. That’s like saying, “Oh, football players back in the day only wore leather helmets, why should they wear more protection now?”

It’s because we know and understand more about our existence now than we did maybe even just 30 or 40 years ago. See, they like to follow this same train of thought when addressing “climate change” too. It’s not like these issues were immaculately conceived, they arose from something, and that “something” is the legitimacy Republicans wish not to adorn them with.

If The Right chooses to continuously remain willfully inattentive and ignorant to changing times, then they are transgressing society’s progression and well-being, serving as nothing more than a stagnant road-bump in history.

Where I also hold grievances is with the part where Republicans were apparently given divine permission to decide for people, who they wanted to be. This extends far beyond dictating the boy-girl dichotomy; Republicans love saying gays can’t get married, women can’t have reproductive rights, and that you should’ve just listened to police.

I’m so genuinely confused as to how someone can so proudly sport such a discriminatory self-vested authority. Why must they even concern themselves so much with another person’s livelihood? How about this, if you can give me a reasonable answer to this next question then I’ll back off a little.

Truly, how will your personal life be affected if a gay couple in Indiana gets married? Will Mike Pence burst into flames? Will Ted Cruz be ousted as the Zodiac Killer? God forbid either of those happen.

The whole point I’m trying to make is that morals appear to be mutually exclusive to one party at this point, and I want to make that painfully clear, especially to those who exclaim, “I don’t vote based on party, I vote based on what’s right!”

Well, that’s great, buddy, then you should probably side with the people who believe that climate change is real, believe a woman should have control over her body, believe people can marry who they love, and believe in compassion. See, having compassion doesn’t make me a “snowflake.” It makes me human.

Well looks like that wraps up the airing of grievances, who’s ready for the feats of strength! Is that you I hear, Rep. Gianforte?